Think of a cruise, and you likely picture a family friendly vacation… Disney World on the water. And yes, it can be that. But cruising can also be downright sinful. I’m not saying it’s Las Vegas or Bourbon Street, but if you have a vice or two then you can likely indulge it at sea.
So put the kids to bed and let loose a little because I’m diving into the vices on a cruise, and what you’ll wish you knew about them..
It’s Not Vegas
I’m going to start with just a little overview of what it means to fulfill your vices on a cruise versus any other place. Now I mentioned spots like Las Vegas or New Orleans. And while the cruise might sail from Miami, do not think for a second that the atmosphere on the ship is anything like being in South Beach during Spring Break.
Yes, you can definitely enjoy yourself. However, the scene isn’t full of debauchery. They aren’t going to set the next iteration of “The Hangover” on a cruise ship. It’s just not that sort of scene. It’s more about enjoying yourself without going too wild.
And if you do decide to get a little more crazy, just be warned. There are cameras everywhere. Security is on the ship. And cruise lines reserve the right to debark anyone that’s breaking the rules.
Drinks & Drinking
With that out of the way, let’s dive into arguably the biggest vice on a cruise ship when it comes to the number of people indulging. Of course, I’m talking about alcohol and drinking. Step on a cruise ship, and there’s arguably no place with more spots to get a drink within such a confined space.
A cruise ship will have 12, 15, even 20 bars onboard and they can be open as early as 8-9 a.m. in some cases. So you can grab a drink almost no matter the time of day, and you’re welcome to carry it wherever you want around the ship. For those whose vice is adult beverages, it’s paradise.
Of course, drinking is big business on the ship. A beer? That’s $9 bucks a pop. A cocktail is $12-$14. Then there’s the 18-20% gratuity. It’s not outside the realm for some passengers to spend hundreds (and in some cases more than that) if they really go hard during the entire cruise. Those drink packages can help budget, but it still isn’t cheap to drink on any cruise. But it sure is fun.
Skimpy Swimsuits
This next vice won’t apply to everyone but it’s definitely one that’s pretty popular if you sail from a spot like Miami… not so much from Seattle. And it’s also much more popular with the ladies than the guys.
I’m talking about those skimpy swimsuits that can be dangerously small. Now, no not every lady is wearing some tiny swimsuit bottom on the ship, but I’ve noticed the trend over the past 15 years I’ve been cruising is that the average swimsuit is getting smaller. Still, you’ll see all types on your cruise from full coverage suits to barely-there thong bikinis.
And yes, they are allowed. There are no rules against revealing swimsuits and the last thing the cruise line wants is to have to be swimsuit police. If you’re still covered, then it’s allowed.
Now, if you’re a guy that’s into tiny swimsuits? That’s allowed too but I will say that it’s a rarity. For ladies small suits are fairly common, especially on cruises from Florida.
Smoking & Vaping
What if your vice is smoking? In that case, you’re in luck on a cruise… with some caveats. Smoking and vaping are allowed on cruises, but the rules surrounding them are pretty strict. That’s because one of the biggest dangers on a ship at sea is fire.
For that reason, smoking is allowed only in a few select areas. It’s normally an open area of the deck that’s separated off from other passengers and the casino. Even in the casino it’s not always allowed in certain parts.
What you absolutely can’t do is smoke in your room, even if you have a balcony. There are some pretty big fines if you’re caught doing so.
You also want to be aware of the rules in port. Mexico doesn’t allow people to bring vapes into the country, so if you have a stop there, leave the vape in the room.
Drugs
Maybe your vice is something a little harder than nicotine? Marijuana has soared in usage as states have opened up medical and recreational use. And then there are harder drugs that some people may want to indulge in while on vacation.
Unfortunately for those folks, this vice is one that the cruise line isn’t willingly going to allow you to enjoy, unlike the others on our list.
For those hard drugs, they are illegal on land, they are illegal on the ship, they are illegal in other ports. Just don’t.
Marijuana is a little trickier. Even though a lot of states allow it, ships follow federal law and don’t allow it on their cruises. Some, like Carnival, have gone so far as to have drug-sniffing dogs. Now, does it get by security? It almost certainly does. But if caught, expect there to be some major consequences.
Sex On The Ship
If you’re taking a cruise, there’s a good chance you are taking that with a partner. And if you’re sailing single, you might be interested in potentially meeting someone on the ship.
Well, if your vice is sex, then chances are you’re going to enjoy your cruise. Cruises offer a ton of opportunity for romance. For one, you’re on vacation, which means that stress and obligations back home are gone. Then you have the fact that you’re wearing fewer clothes, there’s alcohol flowing everywhere, and you have your own private room, often with million-dollar views. Yeah, the mood is going to strike.
Some words of advice. First, keep it relatively quiet. Rooms are fairly soundproof, but there are going to be people within earshot. As well, if you decide to enjoy your balcony, well, wait until night and step out to make sure there’s no one else out there. Balconies are somewhat private, but the partitions have gaps that others could get an eyeful.
Finally, if you decide to bring something to spice things up like an outfit or a toy, put it away when not in use. The cabin steward will be in the room to tidy up and you don’t want to have an awkward moment if they see something private.
Food & Gluttony
Maybe food is your vice. If so, then a cruise is a good place to be if you like to eat. But I’m convinced you have to know a thing or two to do it right.
First, for those uninitiated, not all the food on the ship is included. The buffet and the dining room are included with the cruise. And then, depending on the cruise line you’ll have some other quick options that are also available at no extra charge.
On the other side of the coin are the specialty restaurants, which are a charge. While the buffet and dining room are there to feed everyone, the specialty restaurants are like traditional restaurants on land in that they focus on one type of cuisine and seat a few dozen instead of a few hundred.
Now I hate having to spend the extra money when I’ve already bought the cruise, but if you want to do it right, then you need to eat at least a meal or two in the specialty restaurants. The food here is just simply better, largely because it’s made for you individually instead of being mass-produced for everyone.
Sneaking Alcohol
I mentioned before that alcohol is a big vice on a cruise. But I also mentioned the cost of it. A couple taking a week-long cruise could easily spend more than $1,000 on booze.
So when it comes to drinking, naturally some people think about sneaking alcohol onto the ship. Of course, that’s against the rules. And if it’s found, then it will be confiscated and most likely tossed.
But it can get worse. There have been some stories of people sneaking on booze, then bragging about it on social media while still on the cruise. Those folks were no longer allowed to sail.
What you can do instead if you want to save money is take advantage of the allowances for wine and champagne. Just about every cruise line lets you bring on a bottle per adult, and with the prices onboard that can save a nice chunk of change.
Gambling
A huge vice on a cruise is given one of the most prominent spots on the entire ship because the cruise ship loves when you do it.
I’m talking about casinos and gambling on the ship. Gambling is huge in cruising and just about any ship you sail will have a casino. There are some differences between cruise casinos and regular ones.
First, the casino isn’t open all the time. Except in a few cases, if you’re in port, it’s closed. Second, there are some crazy games you wouldn’t find in a normal casino. I’m talking about the claw machine games for cash, coin pusher machines, and even cruise line scratch-off tickets.
If you do play, you’ll want to track your play. If you earn enough casino points, you can get perks extended like drinks and even future free cruises.
Shopping
For some people, shopping is their vice. And while you can be hundreds of miles from land on a cruise ship, you’re only a short walk from being able to do some retail therapy.
All cruise ships have shopping areas onboard and even if you aren’t a big spender they are still a lot of fun to at least go window shopping.
The stores typically go high end. If you need a new watch or piece of jewelry, you are absolutely in luck. There are also some boutiques selling clothes and there’s almost always a brand shop for the cruise line where you can get anything you want with the cruise line’s logo printed on it.
If you want to double your vices, there’s also the duty-free shop where you can buy bottles of alcohol and cartons of cigarettes. Remember, however, you don’t get to enjoy these until after the cruise.
“Naughty” Cruises
Ok, I’ve talked about a lot of the vices that are allowed — or even encouraged — on cruises. But at the same time I’ve told you that while you let loose, it doesn’t get too crazy.
Well, there is one niche of cruising that gets a lot wilder, which you might call naughty cruises. There are dedicated companies that charter ships for special sailings and then put on adult-themed trips where sexuality seems front and center.
Now, disclaimer, I haven’t sailed one of these trips, so I don’t know all the details. But the marketing makes them sound pretty wild, complete with “play areas,” clothing optional pools, and being lifestyle friendly if you’re looking for friends.
No judgement here. If you want more details, check out Bliss Cruise, Desire Cruises, or Temptation Cruises.
Further Reading:
- Adults-Only: 5 Sexy Cruises You Can Take (With or Without Clothes)
- Cruise Ship Casino Gambling: Everything to Know Before You Bet
- How to Use Marijuana (Legally!) While On a Cruise
