It’s no time to be bashful because I’m getting into those adult cruise tips you simply don’t get anywhere else, and it might get a little real.
I’m talking about everything from what to know about going bare on the balcony to bringing drugs on the ship to even the naughtiest game on the cruise, swimsuits, booze, and so much more.
Sorry kids, this ain’t for you. Now, get ready and let’s dive in…
The Rules on Being Bare on the Balcony
Sure, not everyone takes their clothes off on the balcony… but everyone has at least thought about it. First thing to know is that it’s your own space, but it’s not completely private. There are barriers between balconies but there are also gaps at the floor and the dividers don’t go all the way to the top. There are also gaps near the cabin wall where someone could accidentally get a peek even if they aren’t trying to.
The biggest thing to watch is that the glass barrier can be reflective. If someone is next door and sitting at the right angle, they can get an eyeful. So if you do decide to don the birthday suit, step out ahead of time and make sure your neighbors aren’t there. And bring a towel in case they do decide to come out.
But is going nude on the balcony against the rules? At least Royal Caribbean has in their conduct policy that public nudity is not permitted, but then goes on to say that “Guests must be appropriately attired including while on stateroom balconies if visible to others onboard, on other vessels or ashore.”
So if you’re out in the middle of the ocean, that seems to say it’s perfectly fine as long as others can’t see you.
Bringing “Green”? You Should Think Twice
If you like to smoke a little something or take a gummy, you wouldn’t be the first to think about bringing it on a cruise. Frankly, it’s a way for a lot of people to relax, and I’m sure the idea of an all you can eat buffet sounds pretty good if you happen to get the munchies.
Now, we’re adults here so yes, it does get on the ships. But my tip to you is that it’s against the rules and cruise lines are cracking down much harder on this than they used to.
Cruise lines follow federal laws, so even if you’re sailing from a state where it’s legal, they don’t allow the stuff on board. That goes for all the variations too like CBD, Delta 9 and the like.
There are signs posted clearly before you enter the terminal. And in a newer addition over the past couple of years, at least Carnival has drug-sniffing dogs that sniff you and your luggage as you go through security. If it’s found, it could be a short end to your vacation. I’d suggest just leaving it at home.
The Fine Print to Getting the Most of the Drink Package
Whenever I talk about drink packages, I’m usually giving tips on how to decide if they are worth it. But what if you want to make the absolute most of the package? In that case, it helps to know the fine print.
First, the only cruise lines that put limits on the package are Carnival, Princess, and MSC. Carnival has a 15 alcoholic drink maximum per day and Princess has a 15-drink daily max for both alcoholic and non-alcoholic if you purchase their lower tier package. The upgraded package has no limit. Other cruise lines don’t put limits on how many drinks you can have in a day.
Beyond that, you want to look into any timing limits. Most packages don’t let you order multiple drinks at once. But there’s a time limit, and it’s usually pretty short. For instance, Carnival has a five-minute wait between when you can order drinks. So if you’re wanting to go hard, you can order one drink, enjoy it for five minutes and then head back to the bar.
Or if you want a shot, it’s a good idea to order a drink first, and then order the shot second so that you’ll still have something to sip on after you down your shot.
How to Avoid Kids When Cruising
If you’re an adult sailing, then it may be that you don’t want to have your vacation surrounded by a bunch of kids. So what tips are there to avoid kids on a cruise?
Of course you can sail Virgin Voyages, which is adults only, but everyone knows that. There are two other tips I can share. First, scheduling will play a huge role in how many kids are on the ship. Sail when school is in session — especially right after big breaks like Christmas and Summer — and there are drastically fewer kids.
The other tip works any time of year and that’s simply the more you spend, the fewer kids you’ll see. Spend more for a luxury line? There are going to be fewer kids. Pay up for a fancy room in those suites-only spots like The Haven or MSC Yacht Club? Fewer kids. Or spend the money for areas like the Coco Beach Club on CocoCay or the Pearl Cove Beach Club on Celebration Key? Yep, fewer kids.
Want to Hook Up? Here’s What to Know
Interested in hooking up on a cruise? One tip people may not realize is that the cruise line can actually help.
Just about any cruise line you sail will have regular singles meetups scheduled. It’s usually in the evening at one of the bars on the ship and can be held multiple times during the course of the trip. Typically they are self-led meaning there isn’t staff that’s there to introduce everyone. Instead, it’s just a designated time and place for people that are single to meet up with others if they want to do so.
Of course, just like on land just because someone is here doesn’t mean they are necessarily interested in a hook-up. But if you’re looking for some company during your cruise, it’s not a bad place to start.
Just one word of advice — while there are a lot of people on a cruise, it is still a small space. If you hook up with someone that you might want to avoid the rest of the trip, that might be hard to do.
The Cruise Line Can Search Your Room, So Don’t Be Bad
Let’s say you do bring on something that’s not allowed. That could be drugs or alcohol. Or maybe you bring on something that you’d rather not someone see, like a marital aid or some sort of lingerie.
In that case, you need to know the rules surrounding access to your room on the ship. First off, your room steward is going to access the room on a daily basis to tidy things up. They are really the first line of defense if there’s something against the rules going on in the cabin. So if you have something you don’t want anyone to see, be sure to put it away before you leave the room.
More importantly, however, while your room is your space during the cruise, it belongs to the cruise line. Look into the agreements with the cruise line and you’ll see that they reserve the right to enter and search staterooms and your bags.
Now this isn’t some prison and it’s almost surely not going to happen to you. But if you have something illegal or dangerous, it’s within their rights.
Rules About Swimwear on the Cruise
I wrote earlier about going bare on the balcony and the clear language that public nudity isn’t allowed. But what about clothing that blurs the line, such as a super revealing swimsuit?
The straightforward answer is that pretty much any typical swimsuit is allowed, within reason.
As long as you aren’t exposing anything with your swimsuit — such as going topless — then it’s likely allowed. Of course, there are some swimsuits that can blur the lines between showing a little skin and something a bit more.
For instance, you might be wondering about thong swimsuits. In the case of those, we can say they are definitely allowed. In fact, you’ll see them in just about any cruise you take to a warm weather destination.
What about swimsuits that expose the body when wet, such as something that becomes see-through? Or what about sheer swimsuits that expose parts despite being clothed?
That’s a specialized case and frankly, I’ve never seen this on a cruise. While technically you would be covered up, if the material is or becomes sheer in water, and clearly shows private parts, that would likely be against the rules on nudity. Leave that at home.
The 411 on Nude and “Lifestyle” Cruises
Speaking of leaving clothing at home, if you’re wanting an adult cruise — I’m talking real adult — then you might not realize there is an entire industry devoted to nude and lifestyle cruises.
I’m talking about an entire ship where you can go naked or is filled with people who are more “adventurous” as couples. It sounds wild, but it’s a real thing.
On the nudist side, there is the Big Nude Boat, which sails annually. The company behind it charters an entire ship and then sells cabins. In this case, what I said about revealing swimsuits doesn’t apply.
Or if you are part of the lifestyle — meaning the swinging lifestyle or open relationships — there are a couple of companies that charter out ships. Bliss Cruise is a major one and offers several trips a year, including a trip aboard Wonder of the Seas — one of the biggest cruise ships in the world. That trip will feature clothing optional pool decks, themed nights, and “multiple play areas to meet your level of comfort and interest.”
Hopefully they sanitize the ship before the next cruise.
Frisky Outside the Cabin? Smile for the Camera
Thinking of getting a little romantic on your cruise? What adult isn’t? But sometimes when you’re in a vacation mood and the drinks are flowing, and no one is around, the idea can come to mind of a little hanky-panky outside of the room. I’ve personally run into it on a ship, only with a couple that for some reason thought nobody could see them despite it being a busy pool deck.
One tip is to keep it in the room, of course. But it’s not just the fact that even when it seems like no one is around there are still thousands of people on the ship. You never know who is coming around the corner.
More importantly, if you do something in public, be sure to smile because you’re on camera. There are cameras everywhere in the public spaces on the ship. Once you notice them, you’ll see them all over. So unless you like to be watched by the cameras, keep it in the room.
What to Know About Duty-Free Booze Deals
If you like to drink, then the duty-free shop on the ship may be like a kid in a candy store. Tons of bottles offering everything from vodka to tequila and everything in between. And best of all, it’s all offered without taxes, meaning it’s dirt cheap, right?
I’ve done price checking on many items in the ship’s duty free shop and here’s what to know. It’s not a bad deal, but you also aren’t getting a steal.
I’ve actually found that the prices are comparable to what you find back home — at least in my state. The big difference is that the bottles on the ship are larger. So you get one liter on the ship for about the same price as 750 ml back home.
So if you find something you like to drink on the ship, then take advantage, but if you’re thinking that it’s going to be some amazing deal that you just can’t miss, that’s not usually the case.
The Naughtiest Show on the Cruise
Unless you’re on Virgin Voyages, the entertainment on the ship is going to be fairly family-friendly. Most shows aren’t aimed at kids per se, but they aren’t adult-themed. If you’re wanting something a bit more interesting, there are some R-rated comedy shows late night on many ships.
I think the most entertaining adult-themed show is actually one put on largely by your fellow passengers. You may remember the Newlywed Game on TV where couples answer personal questions about their relationship. The big cruise lines put on their own version of the show, and it might be the funniest show on the ship if you’re old enough to be married.
The questions range from charming like “where was your first kiss” to funny like “which member of your spouse’s family would you least like to be stuck on an island with” to the famous “where is the strangest place you’ve made whoopie?”
People are surprisingly open in their responses and it’s definitely not something you want to bring kids to see. But if you’re an adult? It’s a can’t miss.
More on Adult Cruising:
- 7 Steamy Ways Adult Passengers “Sin” on a Cruise (And Most People Do Several!)
- Royal Caribbean’s Surprising Stance on Going Nude on Your Balcony
- Naughty Cruises: 11 “Hush-Hush” Adult Cruises You’ve Never Heard About
